There’s been a lot going on lately. I’m writing a novel, which I started a few months (a year?) ago and then let sit. I’ve been continuing to write it intermittently, and I am at a point where I really feel a need to finish it, hopefully this year. It’s been slow going. There are always other things that demand my attention, but this is important to me and I don’t want to let it slide anymore. Honestly I’m only around twenty pages in at this point, but still.
Part of what got me back into it was reading the novel of a friend from high school and providing him with editorial criticism. Writing out all I had to say about it made me realize that I do know a decent amount about writing a good story, which I’d been doubting due to lack of evidence. At the end of the process I felt confident that given enough time and effort, I am capable of crafting a story I would consider worth reading. This was a big boost for my motivation, and pushed me to return to the story I had started.
I’ve been avoiding reading new novels, skimming RSS feeds more selectively, and holding off on diving into any involved games lately in order to create some mental space in which to carry out my own creative work. But I still get to feeling like every word I type is inadequate, and my admiration for the good writing I see is growing as my certainty that I can achieve such quality shrinks. I wouldn’t deem the twentyish pages I have so far fit for human consumption, but I am fighting to continue to the end and finish laying the foundation for the story before going back to perfect it.
I know other writers go through the same stuff; presumably first draft material for many feels this way. And I know I just need to continue to write. Fortunately, right now, I feel compelled to do just that.